The End

Dear anyone who reads this.

Thanks for reading over the last couple of years, however I won't be writing any more blogs (at least not here).

It has been fun and anyone who wants to keep in touch can still do so through Facebook.

A whole new chapter of my life has emerged and I think a whole new blog will emerge too! Maybe.

Thanks.

Jayne

Update Part One.

Anyway. I thought it may be polite to give an update before I start blogging my usual rubbish.

I'll fill you in gently. I met someone (human) and got engaged!! Although to be fair if you see me on Facebook, then this is not new news. Sorry about that. If you want new news, then I have just emptied the dishwasher and I had to put one spoon back because it still had mashed potato on it. Here is a photo of when I had just got engaged, I don't have a pic of the spoon:




Now, I know what you are thinking. He is a bit young for me and incest is frowned upon by society in most places. Well, don't worry, I got engaged to a grown up (human AND alive) I actually 'dated' a man like a real grown up and managed to convince him that I'm normal. Not only that, it all happened in Paris (the engagement, not the dating). 'Paris' is the name of our local shop that sells cheap booze and packets of crisps for ten pence.




Here we all are. I'm having to wear a hoodie with Paris emblazoned accross it, just in case I forgot my whereabouts. Very easy to do when a big Eiffel Tower is staring down at you.

It was all a huge suprise. We've now been together for about 14 months, 12 days and 6hours. I mean you know.. roughly speaking.

So there we go.

I plan to blog more reguarly, although I said that last time too.


Plus I lied. I doubt there will be an update part two. I did go to New York though. It was awesome. I will have to share that experience soon. Especially the part where my feet swelled up on the plane to 45 times their normal size. I still managed to stay engaged though despite the horrific 'ankle to foot' view. It looked like I'd had a foot transplant from someone who weighed 25 stone.

Bit dusty!!

It says here, that I have not blogged for six months. It's been a hell of a six months, so if you wouldn't mind helping me get the cobwebs down and flicking a duster round the place so I can get started then it would be a help....

Not THAT duster.... get your own!!

Spanish Cripples!

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Ok, so I don't have swine flu.

I was in the vets the other day though because Minnie selfishly snapped a leg ligament in March at the cost of over two thousand pounds. I wish she would check the cost of vets fees before she decides to injure herself in such a manner, but that's dogs for you. Selfish little gits.

I wouldn't mind, but I 'allowed' her to have the chance to get better and let her have an operation so she could walk properly. This consisted of having a metal plate and screws in her leg, (that in my skilled veterinary opinion looked a bit haphazard in the X Ray). I reckon I could have done the procedure myself for under a tenner.

We got her home and she spent the rest of the day throwing up at my feet and looking sorry for herself. Not even a waggy tail or a licky thank you or any sort of enthusiasm. Next time I'll have to weigh up the cost of having an ungrateful animal that throws up all over the carpet against a humane death. (the dogs, not mine).

Anyway, to celebrate the dog not being crippled for life I went to Spain. Not on my own. That would look a bit sad and lonely. Eating a meal for one on the beach as Pedro the waiter tries to cheer me up my showing me his chorizo when serving me a selection of tapas. 'You lika Pedro's speziallll sauuussage?'. Not sure how to spell a Spanish accent. I think in this instance, Pedro had German parentage on his father's side.


To sum up:

I'm a lazy uncaring blogger who has a crippled dog but who cares? I have a great tan!!!!


Been forced to edit: Yes, I have a boyfriend. He is amazing. Over and out.

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Cheese sandwhich making!

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Making a cheese sandwich is fairly straightforward.

You need cheese.

And bread.

Oh.

I have no cheese and the bread is frozen.

Making a cheese sandwich is easy when you have cheese and the bread isn't frozen, because then you can actually make a non frozen cheese sandwich, with cheese.

Right, so defrost the bread. If you are stuck for time, then pour hot water over the bread or something. If the bread isn't frozen, then stop pouring hot water over it because that is just silly.

Now either cut or grate the mouldy bits off the cheese... yeah that's right.. don't worry about the hard bits where it wasn't wrapped properly from the last time you used it. We're in a bloody recession, we can't afford to be choosy!!

So now we have some grated cheese with the mouldy bits picked off and either bread or soggy offerings. Butter the bread/soggy offerings. Put the cheese on and add a top layer of bread/soggy offerings. Bingo!! A cheese sandwich.

If you don't like cheese, then why have you been reading? Use ham or something, but don't grate the ham because that is also silly. You'll end up with ground up minced mess that looks like innards of a rat. No one wants to eat the innards of a dead rat. Unless you are foreign... er... maybe. You know - one of those weird types. You dog and rat innard eating bastards!!

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See my comment on previous post !!!!!!

A Bunchman Post...

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As Jayne's PC is currently f*cked...
I thought I'd better inform everyone of the terrible and tragic news that Jayne is absolutely fine. I know this will come as a shock. I'm sure Jayne herself would want you all to carry on as normal.
The family have requested no flowers or donations at this time.